Systematic Obsession

When I began der Vorgantg, one of the very first things that concerned me were the amount of mail I began to receive. Back then were the days of social networking and electronic communications therefore receiving mail was antiquated and inconvenient. My lawyer developed an open correspondence with me and required a reply by mail or fax ASAP. I repeatedly insisted him if we could do this via email. He discarded my suggestion because he suffered arthritis and didn’t know much about computers. No wonder he complained about having high cholesterol. However, my real pain came from all the mail originated from Lulu Land. I received letters from the department of vehicles, department of homeland security, department of alcoholic anonymous and self-declared pot heads, department of this and that… In one week, I had close to 10-pounds of paper and by the end of der Vorgang I had scratch paper for three generations! Lady Kokodrile and Aquaman helped me sorted up the correspondence and addressed important matters under my consent. There was no way I could deal with such a task because I hated paper. Photocopiers, fax machines, even the mailmen were known to be recipients of my abhorrence. Opening envelops was overwhelming. Reading the content was something I was unable to do. It led me to space out and developed suicidal thoughts. Der Vorgang challenged me and even though I excelled pretty much in all aspects of it receiving mail every day was not my thing.

I always struggled with obsessive behavior, Lady Kokodrile knows this better, all this correspondence was fanatical in my frank opinion. I even told Judge Judy about it. She didn't like it and perhaps this earned me 1o more hours of community service. But I was fed up that I had somehow spoke my mind! I still can't forget the dreams about receiving letters from all the habitants of Lulu Land, having sex with the mail men, and working as a post office clerk. In my Memoires of a Poor Fucker, Roads to Redemption and Solitude, I described all this excessive use of mail as a systematic obsession. Yes, I was being persecuted not by the law itself but all these letters that kept piling up on my desk. Aquaman one day [really God bless his heart] suggested me that I should file a lawsuit to Lulu Land for wasting paper. He went an argued about deforestation of the Amazon and global warming. I stopped him short... «Don’t be dumb ass dude, I said… What do you know about trees if you live in the ocean? » He said nothing back and looked sternly at me, while sorting out the letters. Later that day, Lady Kokodrile told me she had found Aquaman sobbing in the bathroom. I simply shook my head.