The Appearance of a Sub-conscious Mechanism

Two weeks after the der Vorgang, my physical condition began to deteriorate. This is the main reason I sought the services of Aquaman. Back then he lived in Imperial Beach, had had no steady job for years, so when I introduced myself as “someone desperately in need of a superhero” he immediately offered his services and swore he could fight against pretty much anybody or anything. I became suspicious of his lavish enthusiasm. I offered him the job, the same day he signed a contract for 6-months to become part of my team. At first I thought I got a deal. However, days later after making his acquaintance, I understood that the poor bastard needed my help more than I needed his. Our first rift was caused by the form he requested a bathtub and salt to which I asked «why? » « Listen pal, » he replied angrily while pointing to his skinsuit, « can’t you tell where I’m coming from? »

On day #8, I began to be afflicted by the excessive paperwork. It made no sense. My health was good, but my body began to cripple right after I suffered a contusion on my back. There was nothing I could do; I tried to exercise with no avail. It became contra productive, so I began irremediably to abuse the painkillers and amphetamines. I even watched TV for 12 straight hours in hope my body will heal by resting it. This eventually work against me. I considered an individual with certain degree of mental toughness, but there was obviously something fuzzy in my thought process, a sub-conscious mechanism working against my efforts per se. Since Aquaman prove to be an incompetent on the first two-hours of his very first shift, I decided to change his role. There was no way I could rely on him to fight during der Vorgan. So I asked him to assist Lady Kokodrile sorting up the correspondence and find a way to get rid of the garbage. Surprisingly he didn't reproached and followed through with his new responsibilities.

On my end, I began to investigate the sub-conscious mechanism that, in my personal opinion, was the cause of my body pains. The injuries that followed posed a real risk to my overall well-being. These needed to be healed and prevented at all cost although finding this mechanism was necessary. One method I had always employed to find suspicious sub-conscious mechanisms is by doing something different everyday, in other words, breaching the harmony of the routine.

I began drinking my morning coffee while showering. It was relaxing. «It was weird,» as Aquaman adamantly put it during dinner. But it was the only way I could conduct examinations of my mind. My first attempt led me to a sense of nothingness. A phenomena that wasn't knew for me. I had conducted successful examinations of such state in the past. I had found its cause, and better yet had found what to do with it! Obviously, I was on a different stage of my existence and practically had to figure this sense of nullity from scratch. For fortune, I had my assistants dealing with all the paper work and corresponding back to my lawyer and the departments of Lulu Land. This allowed me to chase down and exterminate the tricks of my mind.

But lady luck was again not on my side, and I rode the pain until one day tired of all this stiffness I finally reached out to...

Systematic Obsession

When I began der Vorgantg, one of the very first things that concerned me were the amount of mail I began to receive. Back then were the days of social networking and electronic communications therefore receiving mail was antiquated and inconvenient. My lawyer developed an open correspondence with me and required a reply by mail or fax ASAP. I repeatedly insisted him if we could do this via email. He discarded my suggestion because he suffered arthritis and didn’t know much about computers. No wonder he complained about having high cholesterol. However, my real pain came from all the mail originated from Lulu Land. I received letters from the department of vehicles, department of homeland security, department of alcoholic anonymous and self-declared pot heads, department of this and that… In one week, I had close to 10-pounds of paper and by the end of der Vorgang I had scratch paper for three generations! Lady Kokodrile and Aquaman helped me sorted up the correspondence and addressed important matters under my consent. There was no way I could deal with such a task because I hated paper. Photocopiers, fax machines, even the mailmen were known to be recipients of my abhorrence. Opening envelops was overwhelming. Reading the content was something I was unable to do. It led me to space out and developed suicidal thoughts. Der Vorgang challenged me and even though I excelled pretty much in all aspects of it receiving mail every day was not my thing.

I always struggled with obsessive behavior, Lady Kokodrile knows this better, all this correspondence was fanatical in my frank opinion. I even told Judge Judy about it. She didn't like it and perhaps this earned me 1o more hours of community service. But I was fed up that I had somehow spoke my mind! I still can't forget the dreams about receiving letters from all the habitants of Lulu Land, having sex with the mail men, and working as a post office clerk. In my Memoires of a Poor Fucker, Roads to Redemption and Solitude, I described all this excessive use of mail as a systematic obsession. Yes, I was being persecuted not by the law itself but all these letters that kept piling up on my desk. Aquaman one day [really God bless his heart] suggested me that I should file a lawsuit to Lulu Land for wasting paper. He went an argued about deforestation of the Amazon and global warming. I stopped him short... «Don’t be dumb ass dude, I said… What do you know about trees if you live in the ocean? » He said nothing back and looked sternly at me, while sorting out the letters. Later that day, Lady Kokodrile told me she had found Aquaman sobbing in the bathroom. I simply shook my head.

High Beams

Excuse me officer could you please tell me why did you stop me?—because you had your lights up and didn’t put them down.

—Did you put them down? –asked Aquaman in disbelief as he was ready to hear another bullshit from his prototype superhero.

—Of course I did man! I probably took three or four seconds to put them down, but I did put them goddamn lights down. The roads were dark to begin with, the Androidtrol came all of the sudden from a 45 degree curve, in that specific moment I was asking my copilot something, and besides I couldn't recall where the high beams switch was. Remember I told you I was driving a rental car. She passed us, made an illegal U-turn, and turned the red lights on; I pulled to the side and this was pretty much the beginning of Der Vorgang.

Excuse me officer could you please tell me why did you stop me?

Because you had your lights up and didn’t put them down. Can I have your driver license and your car registration please?

—It is a rental car, here is the rental agreement.

—Thanks

— And then? Aquaman asked half intrigued but somehow resigned to hear more bull crap.

—She asked me if we were drinking and I responded my friends were, that I was the designated driver, and shit. She asked me to step out of the car. I followed procedure.

—Well, you probably deserved it. Besides you were probably drunk, the so-called son of Neptune added ironically.

—Listen… Aquaboy! Don't jump into conclusions. I would like to say, just like I made the lawyer said to Judge Judy, that I was caught up in a series of unfortunate events of which I had no control. I just let myself go, didn't resist or argued against my bad luck. As I simply put it to my grandons, I was on the wrong place and at the wrong time. Besides you as crime fighter know better that resisting Androids or trying to out-smart them doesn't work. I opted to let the events conducted me to wherever I was supposed to be. This is the main reason I didn't cry fault before, during and after der Vorgang. Yes, it became the biggest irony, the grand absurdity. It was all meant to happen the way it did. First of all, the way I was stopped was ironical. For failing to put down the high beams. Can you imagine?

—Okay, I get it now.

—Look at you Aquaboy! It is not my problem; you are such a dweller and are confined by the crime of the shark and killer whale or whatever happens on the water. You can't even help the BP Oil Spill because you would simply die!

—Okay, okay... please!

—I have choices and opportunities you clearly don’t have. For years I have made the best out of the worst, and the grueling of der Vorgang proved to be another test of my resilience and mind over matter approach. The rookie Android perhaps benefited for a day or so. She used me to probe to her peers she belonged to the Androforce. When they learned about the specimen she caught, they probably felt sorry for her. However, what Androids know about reaching top of the mountains? Striving for their dreams? If they skip college and settle with a salary of a journey men. Their blue uniform becomes their own prison.

—Oh come on mister bragger, be humble and be content nothing wrong happened to you, said fishy smelling superhero.

—Go to hell!!! What do you know about driving a car with high beams?